When Your Past Feels Complicated

 

You finally meet someone who seems right. You like their profile, and now comes the next challenge—introducing yourself. How do you talk about your past? Can you share it with confidence, or are there experiences that still make you uncomfortable? If you are completely honest, will the other person appreciate your openness, or will they judge you?

Having a clean slate and feeling at peace with your past is a blessing. But life isn't that simple for everyone. Many people carry difficult experiences—a broken relationship, divorce, financial struggles, family responsibilities, or other setbacks. These experiences can leave us wondering what to share, when to share it, and how much detail is appropriate.

Sometimes, the past isn't even in the past. There may be unresolved situations that are still affecting your life today. These are often the hardest to explain because you are still finding your way through them. In such moments, clarity becomes more important than perfection. Instead of dwelling on everything you wish hadn't happened, spend time understanding what you want your future to look like. The clearer you are about your direction, the easier it becomes to explain your journey with honesty and confidence.

Remember, the right partner is not looking for a flawless life story. They are looking for a genuine person who accepts their past, has learned from it, and knows where they want to go next.

Need Help?

Searching for a life partner can sometimes feel confusing or emotionally exhausting. A fresh perspective on your profile, communication style, or overall approach can make the journey much easier.

If you'd like one-to-one guidance, I'd be happy to help.

Phone: 8122432640

Marriage Guidance:
https://nimmathi.net/marriage-guidance/

Don't Chase Butterflies

Instead of chasing butterflies, invest in yourself. A good profile, genuine communication, and personal growth naturally attract the right people.

When we become interested in someone, it's tempting to keep calling, texting, or trying to convince them to say "yes." Unfortunately, this often has the opposite effect. The other person may feel pressured, making the interaction uncomfortable. Instead of trying to persuade one individual, focus on becoming someone others would naturally enjoy knowing. Build an authentic profile, communicate with confidence, and continue growing as a person. These qualities are far more attractive than persistence alone.

There's another way to look at it. Chasing butterflies is tiring—you run from one to another, often facing rejection after rejection. Investing in yourself is different. Every effort you make to improve your personality, communication, appearance, or confidence stays with you. You gain positive energy, inner strength, and become a better version of yourself. And as you grow, you naturally become more attractive to the kind of partner you're looking for.

Need Help?

Searching for a life partner can sometimes feel confusing or emotionally exhausting. A fresh perspective on your profile, communication style, or overall approach can make the journey much easier.

If you'd like one-to-one guidance, I'd be happy to help.

Phone: 8122432640

Marriage Guidance:
https://nimmathi.net/marriage-guidance/

Compatibility Beats Perfection Every Time

 Many people begin their partner search with a long checklist—height, profession, salary, appearance, location, hobbies, and more. While preferences are natural, an endless checklist can sometimes make us overlook people who could actually be wonderful life partners. A marriage succeeds not because two perfect people meet, but because two compatible people learn to build a life together.

When you come across a profile, ask yourself a few simple questions: 

• Can I enjoy spending time with this person? 
• Do our values match? 
• Can we handle disagreements respectfully? 
• Do our life goals move in the same direction? 

These questions reveal much more than a list of qualifications. Instead of chasing perfection, look for someone with whom you can build peace, trust, and companionship. Those qualities are what make a relationship last.

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Need Help?

Searching for a life partner can sometimes feel confusing or emotionally exhausting. A fresh perspective on your profile, communication style, or overall approach can make the journey much easier.

If you'd like personal guidance, I'd be happy to help.

Phone: 8122432640

Marriage Guidance:
https://nimmathi.net/marriage-guidance/

The Checklist Approach

When you buy a TV, you usually follow a checklist. You decide on the features you need, fix a budget, and then compare different models. Once the checklist is satisfied, you may look at the design and overall feel.

Buying a dress is different. Very few people carry a checklist while shopping for one. Instead, they ask themselves, "How do I look in this?", "Does it suit me?", "How will I feel wearing it to a party?" In such situations, a grading system works better. You try on different dresses, give each one an overall score in your mind, eliminate the weaker choices, and finally pick the one that feels right.

Many people use the checklist approach while searching for a life partner. They prepare a long list of requirements and compare every prospective partner against it. The result is that they reject one profile after another, often overlooking someone who could have been a wonderful companion.

Instead, consider using a grading approach. Talk to the person. Spend time understanding their values, personality, and outlook towards life. No one will score 100% on every expectation. What matters is whether the overall compatibility is strong enough to build a happy and meaningful relationship.

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Need Help?

Searching for a life partner can sometimes feel confusing or emotionally exhausting. A fresh perspective on your profile, communication style, or overall approach can make the journey much easier.

If you'd like personal guidance, I'd be happy to help.

Phone: 8122432640

Marriage Guidance:
https://nimmathi.net/marriage-guidance/

Finding the Right Life Partner: 25 Practical Tips to Improve Your Matrimonial Journey

 

We all have dreams about our future partner. We have expectations, hopes, and qualities we look for in someone. Finding that person, however, isn't always easy. Matrimonial platforms are crowded, and the search can sometimes feel overwhelming.

The good news is that a thoughtful approach can improve your chances of connecting with the right person. Here are a few practical tips that may make your partner search smoother and more effective.

Before You Start

• Choose a matrimonial platform with a large and active member base.

• Spend time creating your profile.

  • Complete every important field.

  • Write a positive and genuine description about yourself. If writing isn't your strength, ChatGPT can help you create a good profile.

• Use clear, recent photographs. If possible, invest in professional photos.

• Consider becoming a paid member if it offers useful features such as messaging or better visibility.

Searching and Interacting

• Use filters to narrow your search based on your priorities.

• Read profiles carefully before expressing interest.

• If someone is clearly not a match, mark the profile as "Not Suitable" so you don't spend time reviewing it again.

• Focus on people who genuinely match what you are looking for rather than sending requests to everyone.

• Send your interest or message and allow the other person time to respond.

• When contact details are exchanged, send a brief introduction along with your profile ID to make it easier for them to identify you.

Phone Etiquette

• Evening is usually a convenient time for most working professionals.

• Avoid calling late at night.

• If someone doesn't answer, avoid repeated calls.

• During the conversation, introduce yourself briefly and check whether they are interested in continuing the discussion.

• Spend equal time sharing about yourself and learning about the other person.

• Don't rely only on long phone conversations. If both of you are comfortable, meeting in person often helps you understand each other much better.

Meeting in Person

• Dress neatly and present yourself well.

• Be relaxed and confident.

• Have a natural conversation instead of trying to impress.

• Discuss your future plans, values, and expectations, and understand theirs as well.

• Listen carefully. Good listening often creates a stronger connection than speaking continuously.

• Pay attention to communication, consistency, and body language. They often reveal more than words.

When Things Don't Work Out

• Rejections can happen at any stage of the process.

• Accept them gracefully without taking them personally.

• Avoid repeated calls or messages after a decline.

• Leave the conversation on a respectful note. People remember kindness, and sometimes they may even recommend you to someone they know.

Moving Towards Commitment

• Once both of you understand each other well and feel confident about the relationship, involve your families and begin making the relationship official.

Finding the right partner takes time, patience, and clarity. Every conversation teaches you something, and every experience brings you one step closer to someone who is a better match.

Wishing you all the very best in your search for a life partner.

Need Help?

Searching for a life partner can sometimes feel confusing or emotionally draining. A fresh perspective on your profile, communication, or overall approach can often make the process easier.

If you'd like personal guidance, I'd be happy to help. You can reach me at 8122432640 or learn more about my Marriage Guidance services here:

https://nimmathi.net/marriage-guidance/

The Companion

Loneliness is not merely about being alone. It is the quiet ache of wanting companionship and not being able to find it. One can be surrounded by people and still feel its weight. At its core, loneliness is a longing — a deep pull toward connection that remains unmet.

Most living beings yearn for such companionship. When it is absent, a kind of vacuum forms within. This emptiness creates a subtle but constant pull, an inner restlessness that keeps searching. Over time, it can begin to interfere with daily life, making even simple tasks feel heavy or incomplete. The mind drifts, the heart seeks, and something essential feels missing.

Consider a simple journey on foot. Walking a long distance alone can be tiring and monotonous. But with a companion, the same journey feels lighter. There is shared energy, mutual encouragement, and moments of exchange — conversation, silence, laughter. Each person supports the other, and the path becomes not just easier, but more meaningful. The terrain doesn’t change, yet the experience transforms.

In the same way, finding the right companion in life can bring depth and direction. It is not just about reducing loneliness, but about walking together — sharing burdens, celebrating moments, and growing side by side. With the right presence, life’s journey becomes not only bearable, but deeply fulfilling.

The Promiscuous Man: A Jungian Perspective

Why are some men loyal while others stray? When I first pondered this question, I turned to ChatGPT for an exploration of the reasons behind male promiscuity. The responses spanned various fields—evolutionary biology, cultural norms, social psychology, and more. Each provided valuable insights into why some men might be more inclined toward promiscuity than others. However, my curiosity led me deeper, to a less conventional but psychologically rich framework: Jung's concept of the anima.

Before delving into how the anima might play a role in such behaviors, let’s first address some common critiques and misunderstandings around this theory.

Understanding the Anima

What is the Anima?  

The anima is a concept introduced by Carl Jung in the early to mid-20th century, most notably expanded upon in the 1950s. According to Jung, every man carries within his unconscious mind a feminine image—his anima. This inner feminine manifests as a collection of traits and potentials traditionally associated with "feminine" qualities, such as emotional receptivity, intuition, creativity, and sensitivity. Jung believed that the anima acts as a guide between the conscious mind and the deeper layers of the psyche, influencing how a man relates to women and even how he relates to his own inner life.

Is the Anima Scientific?  

No, the anima is not considered a scientifically validated concept in contemporary psychology. While Jung's theories have been influential, they also face significant critiques. Many modern approaches have sought to improve upon or deviate from Jung's ideas, such as:

•  Sandra Bem's androgyny theory, which suggests that individuals embody both masculine and feminine traits, allowing for a more fluid understanding of gender roles.
•  Gender schema theory, also proposed by Sandra Bem, which argues that gender is socially constructed and learned through cultural norms rather than being an inherent archetype.
•  Raewyn Connell’s work on hegemonic masculinity, which introduces the idea of multiple masculinities and femininities, shaped by social contexts.
•  Object relations theory, which emphasizes how early relationships with caregivers form internal patterns that influence future behavior.
•  Queer theory and non-binary perspectives, which challenge the notion of fixed gender identities or inherent traits, promoting a view of gender and sexuality as fluid and socially constructed.

Despite these valid critiques and alternative frameworks, I find the Jungian theory compelling for its simplicity and symbolic depth, offering a way to relate my personal experiences to a broader psychological framework.

The Anima Projected onto Reality

Jung posited that a man's relationship with his anima affects how he projects this inner feminine onto the women in his life. The anima can be clear and well-integrated or fragmented and hazy, and this internal state influences how a man relates to others.

The Loyal Man

When a man's anima is integrated and well-defined, he is more likely to exhibit qualities such as loyalty, emotional stability, and the capacity for deep commitment. In this case, his anima serves as a mature inner guide, helping him focus his desires on a single partner, often leading to monogamous relationships. Love, care, and emotional connection become central themes in his romantic life because the anima is not merely an unconscious force but an integrated aspect of his personality.

For such a man, the anima acts as a source of emotional depth, enabling him to engage in meaningful relationships. His clarity about what he seeks in a partner allows him to project his inner feminine onto one person, rather than scattering his projections across many. This integration fosters a sense of wholeness in his relationships, where he seeks not just physical attraction but also emotional and spiritual connection.

The Promiscuous Man

In contrast, a man who engages in promiscuous behavior may have an anima that is fragmented or unclear. In Jungian terms, this means his anima is less integrated into his conscious self, creating inner confusion and restlessness. The lack of a clear anima image leads to a tendency to project the anima onto multiple women, as though he is seeking different aspects of his own inner feminine in each partner. This can result in a pattern of seeking novelty and sensation, rather than deeper emotional fulfillment.

The hazy anima may compel the promiscuous man to constantly pursue new partners, as he is unconsciously searching for an ideal that remains elusive. His relationships may lack emotional depth or permanence because he is not fully aware of what he seeks. The anima, in this case, operates at a more primitive level, closer to Jung's archetype of the temptress or seductress, where the unconscious motivations are driven by the pursuit of pleasure rather than genuine connection.

It’s important to clarify that this doesn’t imply such a man is entirely without control or responsibility. Rather, his unconscious projections may lead him to see potential in many different women, blurring the line between infatuation and true attraction. The anima's unresolved state makes it difficult for him to form lasting attachments because each new encounter feels like a potential fulfillment of an inner longing that remains undefined.

Personal Reflection

On a personal note, I’ve observed instances where I found a woman unattractive at first, but over time, through conversations and shared experiences, I began to see her as beautiful or appealing. This shift could relate to the anima's dynamic nature, where initial projections may change as one’s understanding deepens. It suggests that the anima is not static; it evolves with the individual, shaped by experiences and conscious reflections.

(Refer Mere exposure phenomena)

Applying Anima Theory to Animus in Women

While this discussion has focused on the anima in men, a similar process occurs with the animus in women, which represents their inner masculine qualities. Just as the anima can influence a man's behavior in relationships, the animus can shape a woman's approach to romantic and personal dynamics. The principles of projection, integration, and the search for inner balance apply to both the anima and animus, though the specific qualities they embody may differ.

Conclusion

Jung's concept of the anima provides a symbolic framework for understanding why some men exhibit loyalty while others pursue multiple partners. It suggests that our inner psychological landscape, shaped by the integration or fragmentation of the anima, influences how we relate to others in the external world. While the anima theory is not without its critics and is not considered scientifically validated, it offers rich insights into the symbolic and unconscious aspects of human behavior.

Understanding and integrating the anima can help foster emotional balance, creativity, and deeper connections, guiding individuals toward a more holistic sense of self. Whether through loyalty or promiscuity, our behaviors often reflect the state of our inner world—a world where the anima plays a subtle but powerful role.

The old bachelor

A friend of mine is in his late thirties. Had been going through all channels to find a life partner. Still no luck in settling with someone. The initial criteria were too many and beyond market supply. His family fancied getting a girl half his age and from a rich background. Slowly they kept relaxing their requirements. The recent one relaxed is the origin of the desired family. Earlier condition was to choose someone from the same community and also their family should have originated from the same town as theirs. The origination has been dropped for now.

I used to wonder why they are finding it difficult in the bride hunt, in spite of dropping many criteria. May be the rate at which they drop particular criteria is very slow compared to the brides moving out of the market for that age group. Wish he access the situation properly and moves fast.

Second impressions

Happen to talk to couple of friends who are divorsed and searching for a re-marriage.
Seems like their market is slightly different than the freshers.

Here are some code of conduct in this world.

• If asked about the failure of previous marriage, invariably everyone blames their ex.
• Who initiated the divorce? Seems like you get extra point if you initiated and moved out of the marriage. So, most likely you will hear the answer that they initiated. However, if a girl says that her ex was cheating on her, then the answer would be that the man started the divorce process - this answer will create more sympathy for the girl.
• Why do you want to marry again? Here are few answers:
  • I am not for it. Just for the social pressure.
  • This time I am going to make sure I dont do the same mistakes
• During their first dating, they will check if this person shares the same negative qualities of their ex.

Mangalik or non-Mangalik

Today's lunch discussion went around marriage practise, something similar to the horoscope discussion we had earlier. There were many explanation given for topics like gothra, mangalik etc. Mangalik stuff happened to be discussed actively.

Looks like mangalik can be nullified by spending money for doing so. That is how a magnanimous movie star was able negate her mangalik. Is that conversion from mangalik to non-mangalik so costly for commoners to follow it? Why should cream layer of society be given that allowance and general public have to go through the hard life of being a mangalik forever?

Are you wondering what kind of hardship a girl of mangalik clan has to face? Well, she is an unwanted person in the matrimonial market. The rule says that a girl with mangalik should marry only a mangalik boy. I was looking in the net if the converse is true, however I didnt find any statement about the mangalik boy. In practise, even the mangalik boy doesnot prefer a mangalik.

In the horoscope text, mangalik is a concept discussing about suitability of bride and groom. However the reality is that the word mangalik had become a bad omen. Due to this, there are many cases where the girls do not get married at all. What a cruelty!! It is totally inhuman to deprive a basic need of life.

Let us assume that the people are aware about the meaning of mangalik factor. Even then it is a big setback for the girl. She doesn't have a free choice of profiles. She has to match her groom based caste, family status, earning capacity, expectations, family background and apart from matching all these, the mangalik factor should also match. The choice available to her shrink to one tenth in comparison with a lucky non-mangalik girl.

This is a severe discrimination not only against mangalik and non-mangalik, but also a great divide between haves and have nots.

Divorce process in Islam

We had an impression that it is easy to divorce under Islamic rule. Folks suggested one should get converted to Islam in order to get a quick solution.

MS clarified certain aspects of this myth. Seems like there are n number of clauses and it is not an easy task as we all imagine. (Definitely not as easy as saying Talaq Talaq Talaq).

However, the wikipedia has mentioned husband talaqing without any other third person as witness, and controversy over allowing text message for talaq.

Seems like there are diverse practises and the exact process will depend on situation to situation. Also, theory might differ from the reality.

Belief in predictions

We had a discussion on belief people have on horoscope. I was thinking in that line and try to reason the unshakable faith.

Any living being is programmed to seek happiness and to avoid unhappy situations. Any complex feelings and interaction can be brought down to these two instinct. Fear is one of the factor bringing such unhappy feelings. Fear of repetition of past unhappy moments, fear of loosing the current happy occasions and fear of untold future.

Uncertainty of anything is an uncomfortable thingy for human. I am very much comfortable coming to my office and going back to my home. I don't have any odd feelings; in fact these two are my second nature and hence not in my mind while dealing at these two places. If I had to go to a new place, I might feel awkwardly uncomfortable, very much aware of my conduct there, will check how people see me. That is due to the unfamiliar environment which made me out of normal behaviour.

Also, uncertainty is risk. There is a chance of success and failure. We would like to gather as much of data as possible so that the risk factor is reduced in order to increase the probability of success. In other words, we would like to reduce the uncertainty factor.

Sample questions : "Has anyone visited xyz place recently? Can you help with good accommodation referral, travel condition, place of attraction etc .. ". This is for reducing the uncertainty.

The future being uncertain, we would like to 'see' something over the time-line and gain something. For eg, if a cat crosses my way, today will be bad. We try to associate something happening now or before and predict something in future. If some good prediction is made, we feel confident to do some activity; otherwise that activity would have left us in double-minded dilemma.

If someone claims to tell our future, we are skeptical initially. However, we wish the person can predict accurately. With such biased expectation, we evaluate a fortune-teller or a future-reader. How the person gains the credibility is dealt in a future article.

Thou the prediction may not be correct, still we would like to consult with such people, just to make sure things are fine. Also, to know something about the future instead of marching ahead without any data.

Can future be predicted? Is there a fool-proof method to know something ahead of time?
Watch for the future article :-)

Horrorscope

Do the stars control the destiny of people?
Why would a gigantic, non-living object, staying trillions of light years away from me, worry about my business prosperity? Does Venus has a database to keep track of personal love life of billions of people? Also it need to adjust the love level of all the billions of people(only people?) on a regular interval of time. While taking decisions, will the planets refer the same horoscope tables we use?

Anyway, it is pathetic to observe the belief people have in these predictive systems. Have heard about people waiting for the right time for their business and only to find that the competition had eaten their share of market.



There are two forgery happening in the matrimonial market. Could be the groom side or the bride side; after knowing the other's party's horoscope details, pass on the 'horoscope' that would match. Still worse, there are people carrying multiple copies and pass the suitable profile.
The second malpractice is to use the horoscope as an excuse to reject a profile. That is a good excuse anyone would accept and not questionable. The reason is that thou the horoscope may match, there could be some other astrologer having a different opinion.

If we brand the above as cheating, what do we say about girls agreeing to cut open the womb to pick the new born at the right time rather than wait for a natural birth?

Someone known to me was complaining about the horoscope match. She was mentioning that she did a blunder in life of marrying a person by believing the good matching as sufficient criteria.
Rarely people question about the divorce rate inspite of the best matched profiles. Apart from divorce rate, why isn't the horoscope helping to filter out drunkards, womenizer, loofers, criminals etc?

On the other hand, there are folks thou they like a boy or a girl, they put a halt on further proceeding due to the horoscope blocade.


Anyway, I am sure not to get back my horoscope, which is destroyed completely. I would not go for such stupidity for my kids.


This topic reminds me of the famous Indian proverb, "Fate can be overcome by intelligence".

The Utopian girl

Welcome, golden girl from Utopia; hi from earthlings.

I got the letter you sent about the angels. Nice that you are interested in geogamic study. I will be glad to be the guide on your world tour. Watch out for that flight crew, he is dashing towards you.


Prayer

In this part of the world, we start anything with a prayer to Lord Ganesha. Let us do this tour in a traditional and auspicious manner.



He is a smart guy. North Indians know that he is married, twice. However, Ganesha had hidden his martial status to South India. My guess is that he has an eye for a South Indian girl. It is a tough bet with a South Indian girl. All she cares is - the horoscope MUST match (also that 8th square should be empty). Thou the guy may have an elephant head or he is married couple of times, these do not bother her much. So, success of Ganesha depends on effective ways of manipulating his horoscope.




Jai Sri Ramji

As your research involves with monogamy among earthlings, I would take you straight to Sri Ramachandra Maharaj's palace. He is the perfect example quoted for a one-one ideology. A rare thing among gods and kings.

You are lucky to travel at this time, as Sri Ramji had just returned from Lanka. Let us meet him. His wife ... hmmm .. let us put it simple. She had gone hmm ... somewhere, to enjoy the beauty of nature.

Poor guy, after newly married, he was sent to jungle. Had it been with his friends, he would have enjoyed the trek. To intensify the punishment, he had to take his wife and brother. As any girl, she was asking for gold, that too a golden deer. As it happens, that lands into more trouble. A damn damemon picked her up to his country. Ram had to suffer a lot in the search and find (google wasn't available in those days), forming an army out of monkeys etc. Good that he had a great fighting spirit (after marriage effect?), and won against the rakshasha. Only two weeks back they all returned to Ayodhya.

Again their marriage is in a rock. I dont know the exact details, but rumours say that people (who watch many Hindi movies) dont like the rescued heroine to be accepted by the hero. On popular response of the SMS contest, Sita was sent to forest.

My granny used to bless me as, "you should be like Sri Ramachanderji!". I feel it is a curse.

I wouldnt like to visit other gods as you might start hating them.Did I mention the hobbies of the Lord of the Gods, Indra?



Theory of evolution

In Hindu mythology, the evolution of life is personified as avatars of Vishnu. Starting with watery creature, amphibians, then beasty boar, progress is made to half man - half animal, small boy, hunter, farmer, king, king maker etc. Earlier part of the evolution, they had no partners, then they were trying their luck with one - one.

In the line came Sri Rama. We saw his one to one concept and his sufferings. The avatars realized their mistake. They realized the primitive way of thinking. After broadening their views, they refined their thoughts and came up with the last known avatar; fixing all the earlier bugs, the ultra modern social personification ... here I introduce ...

KRISHNA!! man, you rock!!! We are glad that you showed us the path away from sufferings and guided us through everlasting ectasy.

I am eagerly waiting for the last avatar, Kalki. If Krishna had so many partners, let us wait to see the next one. He is supposed to be a slayer. My guess is he is going to chop off all the guys in the world. He will be a single man in all girls' land. hmm .. that is tricky; not sure if that is lucky or would that be pitiable.



History lessons

A pop quiz. Answer short.

Name a monogamous person who may be a king or an ancient time minister, olden days panjayat leader, historic priest, worker in the temple, or a farmer or an artist.

Yes, I can show one from the stone writings I had seen.

His name mentioned there is :
RajathiRaja RajaKesari RajaMarthanda RajaKulaThilaga VijayaParakrama DhushtaSankrasta VimalaAdhithya NarasimhaHamsa VenkataPurana RaghuNandaVaiRagya VaishitaKulathonga Baskaranutha VaraKaraMustika MaathuruBootho VeeraBoopathi ChandrasekaraNruthunga KangeyamKonda VeengiGiriVendra AkilaBhuvanaNayaka MagudaMaguadaAdithipathi Sri Verendra Varaguna Pandiyan, Second

(wooof, let me take a breath)

On reflecting somemore time, it occurs that the following thing might have happened. In those days the litho caligraphers would have charged carving on a per letter basis. As a cost cutting measure, this king would have mentioned the writers, "put my name and any one of my wife's name".




Mathematical proof

I know with the jet lag you have from the Utopian visit, it is difficult to follow up with mathematical equations. I will make it simple.

Is monogamous practical? Let us check with a leading mathematician.

For the sake of discussion, we will assume equal numbers here.
Male = 50%
Female = 50%

As per the monogamous theory, 50% : 50% is the right break up.
However, the data is skewed as the gay population is not taken into account in this calculation.

Let us assume 10% of guys are gays (optimistic). These 10% will lure another 10% guys into their vicious net, as the original 10% need guy partners to acheive their purpose.

=> 10% + 10% = 20%

20% guy population implies 10% of the total population. ie,

10% + 40% against 50% of female

Once you match 40% (most of the time) straight guys with 40% female, we are left over with 10% female. (ie 50% - 40% = 10%)

The government would have to come up with effective campion to convert those 10% into nuns or lesbians. I doubt if any goverment has such plans in near future.

Therefore, we need to somehow convince 10% (of the original population) out of 40% guys to come out of their "primitive" mindset of one to one. We need to provide sufficient incentive for them to consider another girl other than his wife.

Ya, it is a tough task we have ahead, that is to convince a guy to go through another trouble. But we have to do it as the world should be saved.




Modern society
Being in the isolated world of Utopia, I guess you have missed out the social norms here. For the highness purpose, I am blogging couple of cases. You may start with Romeo and Juliet, then with the court case.

btw, while talking about court, do you know that the supreme court had passed a suggestion to other courts in order to refrain from issueing divorce? The number of divorce had shooted up sharply. As a measure, court would like to delay the hearings and put their maximum effort to convince the couple to live together. For what?, to quarrel till life time?

That brings another interesting line of thoughts. If a majority of people in a society are forced to lead a life with a partner they dont like to be with, wouldn't that lead to mass adultry? Let us wait and watch.







Golden girl : " All Men are Flirts ?!"
well, depends.
On how you define flirts.


It is a very nice meeting with you, lady. It should be fascinating to be at Utopia. What a peaceful and happy life it should be with all the virtues you follow there. Once in a while, please come down to earth to realize the reality.

A visit to the court

Last week I happen to be in the vicinity of a court. I called my friend who is a lawyer. He invited me to meet him at the court.

The place is quite busy with activity. People were moving fast. Most of them carried a sad face. Lawyers were seen expressionless. Neither happy nor sad, but very busy. I wonder how they hope with the stress level. Just being there was quite an experience.

My friend's senior lawyer took up the case when it was his turn. He was arguing for the client who produced a letter and the court was not in a position to consider that as a legitimate proof. They were asking for authentic one.

Later the senior called me up, after the usual pleasantry greetings, he asked me what my problem was. I had to explain couple of times that I came just to meet the friend. Seems like lawyers don't expect someone to meet them as a casual visit!

During the coffee break, my friend narrated the case to me. It is a matrimonial issue. The couples went for honey moon. On their way, in the flight, the girl mentioned that she has an affair with a guy and she is not interested in the marriage. Good timing sense. The guy felt like jumping from the plane.

The guy filed for a divorce, the girl was willing for it. However, the girl's side expected a heavy compensation for them to sanction the divorce. The guy's side felt angry for their demand, because the cause of the separation is due to the girl's mistake. Mistake in terms of doing things at the wrong times. Thou the guy is well-to-do, they do not wish to give away money for a wrong cause. So, both the parties are meeting in courts in different cities, for the past 8 years. There are n number of alimony like dowry harassment, false notices etc.

Anyway, that is one more supporting factor to consider for self arranged marriages.

Romeo in India

Earlier we saw US-returned Juliet, and Romeo at Australia. Here are the updates.

Ramasamy is a first cousin of Juliet. Hence all her relatives visited her home and passed on their wisdom. Definitely it is not an easy job to face everyone and go through their 'worldly knowledge'. The statement Juliet has is in this line .. irrespective of Romeo, she had decided to move away from Ramasamy. Ramasamy is also echoing the same view. He is not interested to live with Juliet anymore as she is looking forward to lead life in different direction with different person.

Out of all the relatives, Juliet had discussed the issue in depth with one of her uncle. He looks to be stable minded and gave some solace to her. Uncle mentioned that let Romeo come down to India. If Romeo agrees to marry and lead a harmonious life, and the uncle is satisfied by his commitment, then uncle will support Juliet in marrying Romeo. In such situation, it might be feasible for uncle to convince others too.

Romeo was informed about this development. He took the next flight to India. His close friend received him at airport by 3am IST. I doubt if Romeo had come at any other time, he would have hardly expected anyone to welcome him. Looks like love brings fame and charm.

SJ questioned the credibility of the uncle. What if the uncle calls the local goons once Romeo lands in the country? Uncle might beat him to death. That is the risk one needs to take; and for love any sacrifice may be made.

Most of us felt happy for the re-union of the lovers.

Romeo discussed this movement to his parents. Father mentioned to disown Romeo, and Romeo accepted the same. Mom confined herself to a room and not interacting with anyone.

'To do or not to do' is no more the question. 'How to do' is what is interesting now. Let us wait and watch.

Romeo, Juliet and Ramasamy

Are you thinking .... Ramasamy... what the hell? Read on.

For those who have not heard about our time's Romeo, here is a quick flashback. The next few paragraphs are the part one of the ongoing series.

Romeo and Juliet were in love with each other. Romeo had a nice session from his dad after expressing his interest to marry Juliet. Since he couldn't convince his parents and didn't feel like eloping, the pair decided to move in their own path. She got engaged to an US software guy, Ramasamy. Marriage was fixed, things were going smooth. Three or four days before the marriage, Romeo realized it is HIS girl who is getting married. He called the girl and suggested her to walk out of the house. She was in a confusion. She had never mentioned about him to her parents because he never took a strong decision. She couldn't refuse his approach, at the same time not interested in spoiling the marriage at the last moment. She was crying in silent mode. Romeo was talking to her over phone and no other moves from him. Nothing interesting happened except for Juliet to marry Ramasamy. She flew to the great land of Indian hopes.

Romeo was not perturbed by minor incidents like marriage and US migration. Technology aided him in keeping in touch with Juliet. They enjoyed fine moments of what a usual yahoo messenger conversation would provide. They relished on the past, recollected each other's company. Juliet expressed that she is not quite happy with Ramasamy. Romeo tried to convince her to return to India so that they could marry as per their original plan (never understood how his dad is going to approve this).

We could safely assume that Ramasamy is a typical Indian nerd calculating $n * 45 and buying moving sale stuff. It is quite obvious that such a nerd could never match to our Chennai stud Romeo.

Nothing much happened and slowly we didn't hear from Romeo or Juliet. We closed the chapter thinking that Juliet leads a real life with Ramasamy and maintains a virtual contact with Romeo.




Now comes part two of the story. Less than a year after the marriage.

Juliet is back in Chennai. She had told she is never going back to US. Looks like Ramasamy is not that a nice person to be with. He had tried some crooked means to block her from returning to India and other undisclosed deeds. Juliet's parents, as any middle-class-narrow-minded-Indian parents would do, were not happy with her decision. They tried to convince her of different approach. Juliet should have picked up presentation skills from US; she convinced her parents of her decision.

Now let us see the twist in the story line. Where is Romeo? He is in Australia!! May be he felt Chennai without Juliet is dry and flew out of the country. He had quit his job and went for studies. His dad is financing the studies and he will not be able to support himself in the foreign land.

His plan now is to find a job for Juliet at Aussie and get her to that place.

Will the lovers merge? Will there be more hurdles? Come back to know the climax.
Feel free to post your comments and suggestions for the true love. Leave out the oldies, we can discuss about the three characters, Romeo, Juliet and Ramasamy.

CTC in marriage market

A friend of mine is scanning through the matrimonial site to fish out a groom for herself. Out of few criteria she has, one of them is that the salary (CTC - cost to the company) she earns should be less than that of the groom.

Sounds logical requirement. Her justification to hold such belief is based on cases where there is considerable ego clashes between husband and wife. In a traditional settings, husband is expected to earn. While coming to dual income, there is an unwritten expectation from the society or the couples that the husband should be earning more. When this situation is violated, there is a chance that the couples pick up some kind of inferior/superior complexities and leading to frictious altercations, drifting from the harmonious life.

Hence my friend feels she needs to find a person whose ctc is more than herself. This fix seems to be difficult but doable. However, in my opinion, this workaround seems to be superficial and doesnot address the original problem.

If the friend finds the person who meets this criteria, and after marriage the friend gets a hike ... there are few paths she could take.
* Tell her manager that she is not interested in the hike and put down the hike
* Request her manager to delay the hike till her husband gets the raise
* Accept the hike and never tell that to anyone .. that will prevent the ego clash

Well, none of these seems practical.
My friend's response to this case study is to manage the situation at that point of time. If the situation is manageable at that time, why not relax the criteria and seek a person who is mature enough to cooperate in managing such situation?

Marriage customs

We went to Nandini. We started talking about Deepavali and who are traveling home etc. The topic went to Deepavali customs of newly wed couples invited to in-laws house.

Took AD as example and if he is invited to in-law's house, FIL need to give him a gold ring.

JB: At my town, for 3 months after marriage, the groom will stay in in-law's house.

RS: Daily?

JB: All three meals. The have to treat him royally with proper care. For a guy like me working out of the town, if I marry a girl from that town, I may not be able to opt for that practice. Instead, guys like that used to get some object in return.

GA mentioned that a community in his locality has a different customs. After marriage the groom stays at the girl's house .. forever. This is the custom practiced at all marriages.

JB: At other places rarely such marriages happens. If it does, it means due to a rich parents not interested to send off their girl to another house. Usually they do not get a match as per their status. They have to go slightly below their status to find a guy to accept that norms. Also they might have to pay a hefty dowry for that.

GA: Even in that community, dowry is normally huge.

JB: So, if the boy gets the dowry amount, will he brings the money to the girl's house? :-)

GA: No. May be money goes to the guy's father.

JB: In our community, we normally do not ask for cash. We ask for gold and that gold belongs to the girl alone.

JB: Also one more good thing in my community is, the groom's side and the bride's side during marriage ceremony arranges two separate halls .. may be some distance apart. Both the parties do not mix each other. During the rituals, groom's side start a procession and reach the girl's hall. Marriage happens and immediately the groom's relatives go back to the groom's hall for feast. Even if the girl's side ask them to have food at girl's hall, they will deny to do that. The expense incurred by one party is borne by the same party. In that sense, lots of quarrels are avoided and the marriage expenses are shared equally.

RS: That looks good.

JB: However, I am not for a marriage which spends lakhs of rupees and waste the money on two days. Instead, I will have a simple marriage in a temple like I did and invest that money in some properties or savings.

SJ: Well, marriage is an occasion where the money gets spread out and many get employed. Instead of buying one property, you diverse the money for many to get benefited. Particularly that is the time when black-colored money comes out.

JB: I agree that for a wealthy person such splash out are needed or acceptable. Think about the most common marriages .. happening in the have-not families. They still need to keep their family pride or status. They borrow the entire marriage expenses, bloat it out in two days and suffer for the life. That is pathetic.

Self-arranged Vs Others-arranged marriage

Ten of us went to Taste of Rampur. Buffet lunch was good. Interesting topics turned by during the conversation. The teenage date line, Feb 14th law in UP, etc were hot topics. Slowly the discussion moved on to our ever time favorite discussion .. the self-arranged marriage and the traditional cruelty.

JB: Heard from unofficial source that NT govt has passed a secret note to the courts in the state. After seeing the alarming divorce rate, the govt wants to have a control over the situation. They have asked the court not to involve the parties into arguments, instead drag the case for 2 years or so by conducting consoling and hearings. This way the number of divorce that need to be issued might come down because the parties might frustrate and turn away. That seems to be a stupid move. When there is a problem with the basic process upon which the marriage is build, we will be seeing such collapses in the relationship matters. If the root cause need to be address instead of doing a superficial polish on the outer side.

VY: JB, what do you think is the cause for the sudden raise in the rate of divorce?

JB: I would say that the main cause is the parents', relatives' involvement in deciding the spouse of a person. The criteria of the parents for a person is different from what a person might be looking for or need. That needs to be looked into. When we see a marriage advertisement, we always see the detail about caste, community, status, horoscope, occupation etc. Those are the criteria the parents think are required for a happy married life. If you consider a boy and a girl deciding to marry, none of these criteria comes into their absolute requirement ... not even a 'preferred' to have list. So, there is a vast different between their perception.

SJ: Let me tell you why the parents' pick is better. Before marriage, the couples will try to impress each other and try to put their good characters out. After marriage the real face turns out and frictions comes in. Parents and relatives come in help to resolve the differences and soothe the relationship.

JB: I agree. I don't say that self-arrangement imply that they live happily ever after. They will have to face issues, frictions, they might divorce etc. But I am talking about the criteria to choose a partner.

GA: A divorced person can never find happiness. He or she might marry and get divorced again and ruin their life.

SJ: That was the case 30 yrs before. There was no life beyond a normal married life. Marriage means for life two are together .. they like it or not. The society looked it like that it was impossible to come out.

JB: Today it is different. One can jump out of marriage, in one week marry again etc. It is possible.
The point here is that boys and girls have matured much beyond what we were earlier. We have more exposure. We can choose things. We want to decide our own life. In such cases, it is difficult to walk through the path chalked by others.

PG: JB, parents have also changed. In our house, when we are looking for alliance for our sister, we asked her her preference, if she is interested in someone. We included that boy in the list of prospective and considered in par with others. We didnot promise to pick him but we will be choosing the best out of all.

JB: That is nice to hear. Wondering how many are broad like.

GA: Most are like that. It is not that they fix someone and you have to marry. They ask your opinion and if you are not interested, they drop the proposal.

JB: Not sure if it happens like that everywhere.
Anyway, the case of others arranging marriage is not unique to our country. It was followed all over the world. The problem with us is that we hold some tradition too dear to heart in spite of its danger. None of the other country practice such barbarian acts.

SJ: Just because others have changed doesn't mean we should follow them.

JB: I didn't mean to follow others. I would like to see the society becoming mature enough to grow out of the old way of thinking.

[Note] Thou we had discussed this topic for n number times in a lengthy manner, never we had come to a conclusion.

The lighter side in today's lunch is after RS dropped the spoon and the barrier picked it up. RS was able to related it to a joke and shared the same. I asked if it is bloggable. SJ suggested to point to google. Yes, I am able to find the same joke while searching for "spoon, waiter, thread, joke" :-)