a farmer's suicide

I am a farmer owning a fertile land portion near a river. I remember good times when the crop yield was high and generating surplus money. Gone are those days. We, farmers, started using fertilizers and ended up with corrupt land. We spoiled the fertility with chemicals and now suffering from surprising results.

The city used to be a distance place and we had our own undisturbed life. These days the city is sprawling out of proportion and had grown very near to us. Soon it will gulp our little village. The cost of village has already started growing up. Our life style seem to modernize and improve with city air, but that is leaving a gloomy heart at the end. Even the crops, land and water are turning impure, pollination has reduced.

I had to spray chemical bottles thrice a season. Each bottle costed me Rs 300. The seed cost, preparation, labour etc ran into few thousands. The money used to be on rotation. Borrow the money from the merchant and sell the cultivated crop back to him. Good yield goes through smooth. However, difficult times like now is what mounting stress at many points.

I contemplated on selling off the land and settling the few thousand outstanding. However with improper title records, complexities of selling agricultural land, bureaucracy etc stopped me from attempting that.

I cannot hold any more. This is too much for a tiny man - to face the gigantic problems, stir through the trouble, reach a safe harbour - no, I dont think I can do. I had decided to put a stop this flow; it is just like cultivation .. you grow the crop and cut it when rip. I see my life like that. Only that I feel like going towards rotten state. Let me reap myself.

Oh river! you had breathed life into the crops year after years, generation after generation. You had given life to all of us. In return I could give only by swollen body. Be kind to shovel it off to the shores.

The water flow is calm but strong at this time of the year. I am standing at the brink of a small bridge. Last thing I want to do is pray good for my family. Let them flourish with whatever support they could get.

A car from the city stopped by on the side of the road. Had someone seen me at stopping to help me out? No, nobody is shouting or rushing. A man in thick suite got out of the car and moved towards the edge of the bridge. He dragged his heavy frame of body over the bridge railings. That is the time he saw me. I could sense his feelings through his eyes. The same destructive forces. There was a stillness in the air. He slowly started the conversation and enquired about me. I told my situation in short and asked about him.

He: I am a businessman. Thought of givings up my life due to recent transactions.

Me: Lot of loss?

He: No, it should be a profit.

Me: How much?

He: Petty. Should be near 15 million.

Me: WTF?!!! Then why?

He: Well, it is not the kind of money I used to make. These days I am doing bad enough to get into deep depression.

I started walking back to my home.

Power of negative thinking Part 2

This is an extension theory of part 1. A broader application.

Many people complain about life in this manner, "I have been good to everyone, I dont know why things like this happen". They imply that by being good (as per their own measurements), they are bound to be showered with goodness. The expectation is that by default the system they are in ought to be nurturing their current needs and demands. Any deviation from their mind plan is considered as unfair.

Let us wear our negative hat. See the world as a horrible place with vicious people around. We will never have problem dealing with one or two bad events. It is not that we will have to be pessimistic that the system will be always bad. There would be patches of goodness, but dont expect to have it at all place, all times.

Here is the above point illustrated with an analogy. By nature a land would grow out useless weeds and harmful thorns. Manual efforts like ploughing, sowing, watering, etc would give useful yield. Same way the default behaviour of the surrounding system is not conducive for our life plans; hard work is required to turn negativity into positive results.

Thank god, got the long awaited government job

That is the title of the story.

Story:
14th Aug 1947 11am IST